Lillyane

Mon, 27 Feb 2006 21:19:50 GMT

Joey is my hero.

Honestly,.... I wish I could be like her... so pretty, so funny.. so amazing...

Everyone should want to be like joey.

I think im going to make her my role model... or lover...

Although I don't know how that would work out... we both like men

______________
EDIT~

Ok...so joey hacked into my LJ.

but i still love her hahah

PROCRASTINATION!!! WOO!~

Sat, 10 Dec 2005 22:12:08 GMT

Yeah so I know I said i was gonna study..but...im..procrastinating and not careing. SO I dont know how to LJ cut becuase =everytime i do it it just doesn't work. SO here are some pictures from the wedding! :D

Me and Annnaaaa

Anna and her boyfriend Rob

The Girls....we're all sooo smashed...haha

Me and JUUUUDY

Bride and Groom...aka Anna's brother

Ok yeah so those are the photos...I didn't really like my dresss......buuuut it cost like 20 bucks so it was worth it haha

I bought it yeaaars ago though..actualyl with sarah and she bought one too haha

Ok back to "studying"

I love this

Sun, 30 Oct 2005 23:56:42 GMT

A TRUE FRIEND

Are you sick of all those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound like Hallmark cards, and never come close to reality?

1. When you are sad - I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry &*^%$ who made you sad.

2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile - I will know you've finally had sex.

4. When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and tell you to quit whining.

6. When you are confused - I will use little words.

7. When you are sick - stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

This is my oath...I pledge it till the end. Why, you ask? Because you are my friend.

Send this to 10 of your closest friends, then get depressed because you can only think of two, and one of them isn't speaking to you anyway.

Tue, 18 Oct 2005 16:12:48 GMT

If you are reading this, leave one memory of you and I together! It doesn't matter if I know you a little or a lot, anything you remember! Next, post this in your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you.

COTTAGE!!!!!

Fri, 02 Sep 2005 19:05:40 GMT

Omg, had such an amazing time at the cottage these past few days. We saw the Aurora Borealis (nothern lights) EVERY NIGHT. but the last night was the best BY FAR. The stars....omg...the starts are sooo amazing, and strangly comforting, i miss them lol. Boat renting, eating poisionous burgers......marhmallowwwwwwwws lol. And swimming. Wow must do it again. lol
ok, posting pictures time!!!!!

Home Sweet Home ~ Cabin 6 :D

Really Uber cool store by the water.

Holy Beer!!!

Our Fridge -we THOUGHT we bought too much...needed to go shopping again half way through the week hahah

Anatoly filling restocking our beer.

Kirill and Toli

Alina!!!!!!! (note: brian gazing longingly at her haha)

Brian and Judy reading in the background hm...soooo sociable Judy. tsk tsk lol

Go kirill driving our boat to the super cool private beach! w000000t

Titanic Alina ~

Captain Brian! lol

.....I hate this picture.....lol

Artsy pic #1

This is on our private beach that we found hehe amongst the not public beaches and waterfall/river rapids/angry native land. seriuosly...the map had like 5 DANGER things on it. haha

Artsy Pic #2

Artsy Pic #3

Thu, 20 Jan 2005 22:14:33 GMT

This is the last PUBLIC post I am making. I deleted the last post becuase it was getting way out of hand, and just getting ridiculous. I never asked for anyone to defend or argue. I simply posted how I felt on MY livejournal. Which you know, is what its here for. So, with that in mind, sorry for anyone who had to waste their time reading the following comments, becuase after all, they were that: a waste. Now, to move on with our lives..

Thu, 20 Jan 2005 19:11:52 GMT

As for whoever read my last post. Fun comments page, lol. It's over now, so no more commenting there please. If there is, i will just delete the page, there's no point. I know there are better things out there for me, and that I deserve them. So with that in mind, I am happy ^^

However in the meantime...I HAVE SO MUCH FRIGGIN WORK TO DO! ahhhhh (haha and im screwing myself over by going to Laurier...oh well! hehe)

Thu, 20 Jan 2005 03:12:59 GMT

I'm over it! YAY!!!!! I can finally sit back and realize what a good thing not being with Kevin is anymore...now that I really see who he is, and how he actually made me feel in the end, and how he treat me now (like garbage pissed on by shit...if that makes sense) I can allow myself NOT to feel that way. AND I AM HAPPY NOW. SO with that in mind...I think I can easily say that...sure i get upset sometimes, but in the long run, I realize what a good thing it is. It was fun while it lasted....well...till november really. It sucks that a 5 year friendship is gone, but that wasn't my choice.

SO on another note, marks are up, and I got ALL B's!!! YAY. I'm happy about that...its not an A, but its not a C either, and for Sheridan classes...that's not bad!!! YAY hehe

Can't wait for this weekend! LAURIER!!! w00t

Hypnotic experience....

Wed, 19 Jan 2005 06:40:37 GMT

Alright, so Tony Lee was soo much fun! I can't beleive I actually fell asleep though...like honestly, I didn't really want to do it, I wanted to watch, BUT I guess I did in some way. So let me walk you through what I experienced:

Ok...sooo relaxed when he was beginning, and like actually was falling asleep..when he said that I hated my friends and to go with him...I opened my eyes, and I felt so...lightheaded, and I really DID not want to be sitting there. It was so weird, like I know i didn't hate them...but at the same time, I felt like I *should*. Straaange.

So I'm up on stage...and literally collapsed...like every muscle in my body was completly relaxed. I didn't care AT ALL (I felt high haha). Like when he woke me up and was like "hey, how you doing?" and I smiled and just as I smiled he was like "sleeeeep" and i just collapsed again. It was funny. Well...now that I'm thinking about it anyway. Like I could hear everyone laughing and everything...I dont know haha.

I actually was changing temperature though when he was like "it was getting hot and cold" thing. Like...it was getting hard to concentrate on some of the things he was saying because ppl were laughing a lot.

I woke up though...or started to wake up a bit, when we got to the car part...and how we were driving a car...I dont know how to drive a car...so I started to get confused and thought too much, and was like "but i dont know how to drive a car." So i woke up....and I'm kind of happy, because after that was when all the sexual things came out. But wow...it felt sooo weird. I Liked it though! hehe

I would definitly do it again (knowing that it wouldn't be all like..having an orgasm on stage and all) but yeah. Good times.

Oh...and that guy from OkCupid emailed me again...I dont want to email him back...maybe he will get the hint. :S

Nobody is on MSN right now, its so sad lol. I'm sooo awake! ahhhh
Well, I'm getting excited for Laurier this weekend. Gonna be fun!!

ps. This song is amazing.

One of my favorite poems...

Tue, 18 Jan 2005 01:05:44 GMT

A DREAM WITHIN A DREAM

by Edgar Allan Poe
(1827)

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.
I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep- while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

Sun, 16 Jan 2005 06:17:22 GMT

"Falling in love is always magical. It feels eternal, as if love will last forever. We naively beleive that somehow we are exempt from the problems our parents had, free from the odds that love will die, assured that it is meant to be and that we are destined to live happily ever after.
But as the magic recedes and daily life takes over, it emerges that men continue to expect women to think and react like men, and women expect men to feel and behave like women. Without a clear awarness of our differences, we do not take the time to understand and respect each other. We become demanding, resentful, judgmental, and intolerant.
With the best and most loving intentions love continues to die. Somehow the problems creep in. The resentments build. Commnication breaks down. Mistrust increases. Rejection and repression result. The magic of love is lost."

Its true though. And its sad...but I guess its not the case scenario all the time...right?

On a lighter note, Going to florida with vicky during reading week! Should be lots of fun, though it hasn't really sunk in yet. I haven't travelled without my parents before, so it should be interesting trying to find our way around the airport hahaha

Dinner tonight was really fun btw.

Fri, 14 Jan 2005 04:24:20 GMT

I feel sick.

Wed, 12 Jan 2005 19:04:15 GMT

I dont like food anymore for some reason.The thought of eating sorta makes me naucious. And when I do eat, I feel sick afterwards...and I dont even eat that much. I couldn't even finish my wings at Duffs last night, and I haven't eaten anything yet today, and I dont want to...but I'm too afraid to get a migraine or wahtever...ahhh stupid. I'm probably going to get sick becuase I'm not getting enough of anything in me right now.

Wed, 12 Jan 2005 04:53:53 GMT

Tonight was something that I really needed. It was so much fun!! Me, Mark, Glen, Jesse, Kiril, and Anatoli (yay me with all guys haha) went to Duffs. They all (minus me and Kiril, who got Honey Garlic) got super hot or something, and omg...it was too funny. Their faces were so red! And mark spilt all his water on himself becuase he was reaching for the straw but tilted the cup as though he was going to drink from the side...he had like no feeling on his face haha. He also had a blue lollipop and I didn't like those so I said "i dont like the blue lolipops" and mark was like "mine's green though." and he did realize that it was blue! He said that he thought it felt like green or something. i dont know haha he's just too funny.

I signed up for this OkCupid thing...put some photos and a bit about myself just to see you know? I got like 50 emails and IMs or whatever...buuut I deleted my thing. My parents were all like "I CAN"T BELEIVE YOUR DOING THAT DELETE IT NOW" haha. so i did. Oh welll. Guys still thought I was really pretty, so that boosted my self esteem a bit, considering how low it has been recently. ^^

I think I am going to write my astronomy essay on the Gemini Observatory..they seem interesting enough. I have an in-class assignment on something that I do NOT understand...so I'm goign to go try to research a bit on it so I can leave early.

btw, I'm starting to like U2 now haha. Whod've thunk it??

Been a week...

Mon, 10 Jan 2005 00:49:15 GMT

I feel like I'm lost at sea or something...my emotions feel like waves that keep receding and the randomly crashing down upon me...suffocating me...drowning me. There are moments where nothing bothers me, and I feel like how I used to, but then the waves come again...and again...do they ever stop?

My parents get home tomorrow night, thank god. I miss them...isn't that weird? I can't wait to be able to go home and have them there...

I did some homework today. But not much. I feel like i shoudl've done more, but I have a lack of supplies here, and I wasn't really paying much attention in class...its been a full week now. I was upset this afternoon. I really was. Fucking waves.

What ticks me off the most, is that he probably doesn't even care anymore about anything...even that we used to be 'best friends' and now its like nothing ever happened. I guess that's the difference between men and women...guys can let go of anything without even showing that it hurts them (if it even does) or that it meant anything to them...and women...well....we all know what women do.

There are times when I am strong, but then I just long for the guy I fell in love with last April...he disappeared a few months ago though. Changed completly into something I didnt know...didn't recognize. I know I have to move on, becuase there's no point in dwelling in it....but these damn waves. At least I'm eating more now. Two full meals a day instead of one or none.

Life is so different now. Remember highschool when things were so easy? Or well, we thought it wasn't, but it really was. Most of us have been thrust into adulthood in many different ways....

.....Fucking waves....

Sat, 08 Jan 2005 19:39:25 GMT

I saw the Westmount play last night, and it was actually pretty good hehe. I went to see the rehersals somtimes, and I love how every year its the same with how the cast pulls it all together right at the end...though I feel sorry for dolha with the stress of that knowledge haha. Everyone did awesome though, but ADAM YOU WERE FUCKING BRILLIANT!!!! hehe

Last night was a lot of fun though, thanks everyone who cheered me up. Went to Kelsey's and cheated the waitress out of letting me show he my non existant ID and got a tirasmoothie with the kaluha in it. mwahaha
It was fun seeing ppl in town too that I haven't seen in a while (even if they go to school in town still). Like Ross, and Hirel, and Rasmov (oh joey, btw, he has this beard thing going on...looks...weird...but Karasik has it too (looks better on him though)). Lots of laughing.

After Kelsey's Judy, Glen and Mark came back to my place and we watched 50 Dates. Cute movie...not realistic i dont think, but definitly cute. Sandler can only sometimes pull of a semi-serious role. I dont think he yelled once like he usually does in his stupid way in that movie. Maybe I'll watch Punch Drunk Love with Judy later. Too many movies about love haha.

I haven't done any of my homework for this week....I should get back into the swing of things by next week. At least that way ill be at home and able to work. ....I just got the feeling that I lost my music folder...fuck...fuck fuck fuck fuck...i really think I left it in the music hall. FUCK. ok...better go look now...ttyl.
..no i probably did. shit.

It's Over...

Mon, 03 Jan 2005 03:31:41 GMT

You know...I always thought this would happen....it was something on my mind a lot....especially recently. And I definitly felt it on New Years. That I would lose him. and I have. I lost my Kevin. I suppose its been going downhill for a few months now...I haven't been as happy...and he's been lying about being happy. The word love means nothing I suppose. It's hard for me....its the first time my heart has been broken...first time for many things. You think he could've had the balls to tell me in person...not over the phone.

I tried.....oh how I tried. I gave everything...and look where it got me. I will learn though...and go on...its said...and hurts like hell. And could definitly have been avoided. But....some people dont like taking responsibility for their own actions...and confronting them when it counts. Most people give up.

Was it all a lie?

Happy New Year

Sat, 01 Jan 2005 20:50:42 GMT

Its 2005...and you have nothing holding you back. It's a brand new year, with no mistakes in it, your's to do what you please with. Make this year something special, to withold throughout the years. Make it last, and stand out, and never, ever take it for granted. This is your time. Cherish every moment of it. Even when there are rough times, think of all the happiness you have standing right in front of you. You have your family, friends, your life. You always have your life, your identity. And even though that identity might change as you grow older, its still you. You make the choices in your life. Only you (can prevent forest fires hahaha...no) can take yourself out of a rut, and bring yourself back up again. Relying on others for that probably isn't the greatest thing...but knowing that they are there shall be your backbone.

Thankyou to all of you who made my backbone...you all mean so much to me...more than you'll ever know. Happy New Year, may all your dreams and aspirations come true in the years to come.

I love you Kevin.

Banish the Expectations

Sun, 26 Dec 2004 18:20:14 GMT

It's mine and Kevin's 8 month today. It really seems like just yesterday that we were all still at westmount, and I was still just dreaming of being able to be with him.

I think I've come to realize that no matter how hard you dont want to be like something...or someone for that matter...most things are subconcious. Like expectations...you should have some....but they really shouldn't be the judge of what makes you happy...like you expect people to do things, and if they dont, you get upset right? So what if you just..didn't expect them to? The "shoulds" of life are decieving. People do what they want regardless of them. You SHOULD do this, and you SHOULDN'T be that. Why is our society so keen on these boundaries? Why are WE so obsessed with these "shoulds". We should be happy. We shouldn't be sad. WHY can't we just be who the hell we want...and be happy about it. Why can't someone do something, or not do something without someone getting upset?

I guess that's just life?

Maybe we're not supposed to know. Maybe its just some fantastical subconcious being in our imagination urging us to live our lives with these ...guidlines... that becuase we're so incomprehensible as human beings that we can't know when to feel happy or upset, that we need them. We need to know what we want? Why can't...we just be happy with things without writin ga biography about WHY we are happy.

Why do I keep asking these questions as though they will be answered. What will I gain from this post, other than listening to my Vivaldi Cello Concerto and feeling somewhat able to pour my thoughts onto this computer screen?

............

I wonder if my parents are happy.
I dont want to be like them when I get married. I dont want to be like my mother, who shows no sense of compassion to my father in public. Is that another should? Does she think she shouldn't?

I wonder if I'll be happy.
I wonder if my friends are truly there for me if I needed them, as I hope they know I am here for them in return.
I wonder so many things...especially when things conflict the "shoulds". Maybe I should banish the expectations. Maybe then, it wouldn't matter.

Wed, 22 Dec 2004 00:04:36 GMT

Shakespeare: Sonnets. Everyone has heard of you,
and almost everybody can find something
touching in you. You are calm and control
yourself, even though your wisdom and your
messages are no lesser than those of others.

Which literature classic are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Tue, 21 Dec 2004 22:41:42 GMT

Last night was fun. Me and Jo had a sleepover, and watched the long missed NEWSIES mwahaha. And ate junk food and read cosmo magazine....hahaha. we're such girls.

My parents surprised me today, by leaving my birthday present in my room (a drafting/drawing table to do my homework on) yayyyy!
Kevin also gave me one of my presents the other day - A GUITAR!!!! w00t!
Anywho...DUFFS TONIGHT! FINALLY GOING TO GO.

On a completly opposite note....

Why do i STILL feel like im pushing it? Why? Do you not WANT to? Do you just...not notice? Should I just stop asking? PLEASE TELL ME SOMETHING BEFORE I EXPLODE. I can't ask it anymore....I just cant....

Great Day!!!

Wed, 15 Dec 2004 03:37:54 GMT

Today I worked, and it was really fun and I got a lot done...and got a little more direction (thank god) from my boss as to what I should be focussing on with the projects...and even better Kevin surprised me at work, saving me from my hour long freezing bus ride/wait and took me out for dinner and a movie ^_^
hehe
We went to Algonquin and saw Oceans 12. It was a good movie, though I think I liked the first one (what i remember of it) better....the plot was better. This was good though...had some really cute parts. But other than that, the theatre was too packed. Some random old guy sat down beside me haha.

I'm so happy
And Kevin, I love you so much!~

ps, sorry for giving a cavity to all you guys ^_~

Tue, 14 Dec 2004 02:39:40 GMT

The stupid background thingie on LJ isn't working...and its pissing me off. But im still happy becuase I"M DONE SCHOOL!!!...till january 3rd. lol
W00000000T

Now for some kevin and bubble tea ^_^(L)^_^(L)^_^(L)^_^(L)^_^(L)

Fri, 10 Dec 2004 23:42:54 GMT

Alright, so my first day of work was awesome. The people there are AMAZING and soo friendly, and I found myself not acting shy (polite) but not shy, and totally myself. WHICH IS AWESOME. I think its becuase most of the people there are in their 20s (in the design part...its also a printing house). They already gave me a SHIT load of work, which is great, becuase I'm not goign to be sitting around and doing nothing. yayyy hehe. I Get to redesign their entire look! :D (they trust me...its weird...lol)
I already did around 12 new logo designs, 4 letterheads, and 2 buisness cards.
I'll be working every friday...but next week im goign to work more (tuesday, wed...im going to say i have an appointment thursday though becuase im goign out wed night....and friday) but then I'm taking my holiday. At least then I'll have money to spend over the break, and then some. If im still making 15/hr...ill be getting over a hundred a day...i work from 9-5. They have this thing..where they check ur handprint for sign ins and sign outs instead of punch times. It like..scans ur hand...ITS SO COOL haha.

Anywho...im fucking exhausted...but i have to study for critical issues....Which is on monday...fuck.

Fri, 10 Dec 2004 02:41:22 GMT

I'm in such a blah mood right now...and I created it for myself. Yay me. I'm soooo smart. I dont know what's wrong with me...why do I always create problems? Is it that I'm a girl? That's just a lame excuse though. I guess its just me. So...if you dont like it....sorry. But this is who I am. Should I like it? I'm not sure yet.
Finished FACS exam today...what a stupid load of crap. Such BS
But i think i did alright on it.

I'm drinking good Peppermint Tea ^^

I need this break so badly. I hope it will be like the summer...I think i need it...I need THAT from you.

Started studying Critical Issues tonight. Made some study notes....one question 6 out of 9 actually....I think it'll be a relativley easy exam (once I discuss with a bunch of people and we all share our ideas and examples...) becuase he's marking us in relation to everyone else. At least he was honest.

I should get back to studying...gonna read soon actually...get ready for bed.....im aiming for 11. I have to wake up at like 6 tomorrow...starting a new job. Why aren't I excited?